A Selfish Rant....

Sometimes I just want to scream at how selfish I am!! I just want so bad to be selfish at times and not selfless. It is such an internal struggle. One that I have dealt with for a very long time, but only recently realized how long it really has been.

It is a painful process; learning how to be selfless. One that involves faith, Gods grace and mercy, and a ton of forgiveness. Forgiveness from God, from my husband, and from myself. It is hard to give up our lives and take up the cross. It is painful to die to ones self. At times I find myself stricken with grief as I struggle through this journey and change of selfish to selfless. I have my two sides battling for this territory in my mind and my heart. My selfish(fleshly) side battling for obvious reasons. My selfless(spiritual) side battling for my essential freedom in Christ. I just want to scream!

Why is it so hard some days? I just want to be more like Jesus. More of Him and less of me. But these days that I struggle so badly with my fleshly desires, I realize how far away from Him I can be.