Feeling........Blessed

So despite being tired and just getting back from a LONG car ride taking KyLee home, I have this inner joy and peace that just came out of no where. Not that I havn't had joy and peace recently, but all of a sudden the Holy Spirit just filled my soul with this amazing mixture of joy, peace, contentment, and pure bliss. It is amazing. I love this feeling and pray that it doesn't go away. I am so blessed and unfortunately at times it is sooo easy for me to forget that. Thankfully I have a relationship with the most Awsome God who despite my shortcomings and lack of faith at times totally loves me and forgives me everytime I start believing that I am not that blessed. How amazing to be THAT loved!!

God is good. :) Yahooooooooo!

Addicted?

OK I may have an addiction!!? and it's not shopping! Shocking, I know! So most people have addictions like drugs/alcohol, shopping, video games/tv/computer, other people, food, etc....

Well my "maybe" addiction is slightly different. But admitting it is the first step...so here it goes.....

Hi, my name is Jazz and I am a "Home Birth Video" addict.

Yes it is true. I LOVE watching peoples videos of their home births, mostly on YouTube! but you can find them other places too. Most of you may find this to be very very strange, but I AM strange, so there!

Most addicts have an excuse or justification(as I like to call it) for their addiction, I am no different. My justification is this....I am watching them for self educational purposes. Are you laughing?????? I heard someone giggle!!

Anyways, it's no joke. My long term goal in my nursing career is to become a Midwife. So I have started early, by observing these amazing birth stories.

So there it is. My addiction. Although, I do like to think of it as more of a Passion than an Addiction(a little more justification!). Wow, that felt good to get off my chest! I wonder if they have AA for this kind of thing? It might be worth looking in to!!

So, am I totally weird????????

A Mothers Faith

I layed next to Eli tonight as he fell asleep. As I was laying there I realized that it had actually been quite some time since I had cuddled with him at bed time b.c. he usually wants daddy to lay down with him. So as I lay there with him snuggling, rubbing his arm, watching him sleep, smelling him, I started to cry. Mainly b.c. I feel so unworthy to be his mommy and completely blessed that God would entrust His child with me on this crazy earth. And then I started crying even more b.c. my heart was just aching for Mck Mama(see the link to the right). I am blessed enough to lay next to my beautiful precious gift from God and there is another mom at the very same moment who is faced with the possibility of not ever knowing what it would be like to snuggle at bedtime with her unborn son, watch him sleep, or to even know what he smells like.
As a mother I am just completely heart broken for her. And yet at the same time, full of hope and faith in The Almighty God and the ability He has to bless this mother with the life of her unborn son.

So tonight I am reminded of how mysterious yet totally amazing and awsome God is. And I ask anyone who reads this to please please pray for Mck Mama and check out her blog and hear her story and see the faith and trust she has in The Lord.

Lets lift this family up to The Lord.

It was a GOD night

OK this is just a little venting I must do since I have been awake for 24 hours straight, just worked the last 8.5 of those hours, and obviously am tired and will be going to bed when I am done with this.

Why does our society have to be the SUCKIEST thing ever(maybe a slight exageration). Young girls are totally defining their self worth in what their broke, immature, selfish, still living at home, can't hold a job yet alone shower, loser, woman manipulating BOYFRIENDS!!! I am so tired of it. Why is there this whole stinkin generation of girls that think there is something wrong with them the minute one of these lame boys breaks up with them. I want to shake them and say, "it is NOT you, YOU are WAY better off not even knowing that guy, don't you know what you DESERVE, don't you know that there is a GOD out there who is heart broken everytime you think a negative thought about yourself like that, don't you know what HE promises for you, what HE can give you, don't you know that your identity and self worth IS defined by HIM, HE who created you, knit you in your mothers womb, fearfully and WONDERFULLY made YOU in HIS secret place, away from anything that could ever tarnish you, DON'T YOU KNOW THESE THINGS??????????"

And then I catch my breath and realize, of course they don't know these things. These girls have been surounded by people most of their lives that have never once told them a single word of that truth. NOT ONCE! Can you imagine not ONCE being told you were a mighty creation of GOD, a masterpiece set apart from ALL the others!!! That not a SINGLE person on this earth defines who you ARE!!!

Well, I met a girl like this tonight. And I am sooooo sad. And God layed this girl out before me for a reason. And I am figuring out that reason. And I am mad, mad at what The World tells people, mad that people don't hear what God tells people, and mad that Christ Followers like me are NOT(including myself) doing a very good job of making sure that people are hearing what God is trying to tell us. And dang it somethings gotta change.

Some nights I wonder why I was led to Nursing, and nights like last night, I know EXACTLY why HE led me to Nursing.

God is WAY WAY bigger than this world, let's spread HIM around, share HIM with the broken hearted. Share with people how GOD views them, feels about them, and longs for a relationship with them.

Thanks for listening to me vent. It was a LLLOOONNNNGGGG night, but a good night. A GOD night:)

Time for a Face Lift!

I have decided it was time for a face lift. For my blog, not my face, although.......j/k....... of all the things that could be lifted my face is NOT at the top of the list but I won't tell you what is! Anyways my blog felt kind of boring and blah so I found this uber cute pretty in pink template. I feel like it suits me better. I love PINK!!!!

Along with the "look" of blog I think I will be giving my posts a face lift too. I started this blog as a way for family to see a little of what goes on in the Carlson Clan since I have a decent amount of family that we don't see often and so on and so on. Anyways after reading MANY other blogs I have been feeling like I could really use this blog as a journeling opportunity also. It has become so easy to make everything look and sound so happy and perfect ALL the time, when obviously like everyone else it isn't always happy. So from now on I am going to start trying to journal lifes ups AND downs and hope for possitive and negative feedback, and maybe some new friends along the way.

Blessings to EVERYONE!!! <3

Summer

Where has summer gone? I can't believe that the kids start school in a month! This happens every year, all of a sudden it is August and you look back and start scratching your head. This means we only have a few good weeks of uninterupted family time before it is back to the hustle and bustle. What to do?
Well, lots of park outings, swimming, friend play dates, BBQ's, bike riding, camping......YIKES! I better start planning a few things.

I hope everyone is having as much fun as we are. Just being a family, being together, it's awsome!!

Peace and Love to you all <3

Eli Update

So far Eli has had a few assessments done to help figure out his delayed speech. He had a Baley assessment within the last week, which assess all developmental areas, becuase he is under 3 the school district requires ALL areas to be assessed. That included cognitive, social, language, and small and large motor. So basically he did FANTASTIC exept for the expressive language part. He scored above average in the receptive language which we all knew, because he understands EVERYTHING you say to him.
Anyways, today the occupational/physical therapist was here to finish up the large and small motor stuff. She told me that he scored very high. She also told me that he is very intelligent but that he doesn't want people to know that. She said they are able to see his intelligence despite his minimal attempts to hide it. So basically my child is a GENIUS!!!! No surprise afterall, I am his mother. j/k

I called Ken and told him what she said. His response was, "Well you know that's my problem too, I am just so smart I don't want anyone to know it!" WHATEVER!

So it feels good knowing he is developing like average or above average in everyhting except speech. He meets with the Speech therapist next friday, so hopefully we will know more then.

Thanks for the continued prayers and support.

God is constantly reminding me to not worry or be anxious, but to TRUST in him completley. He fearfully and wonderfully knit Elijah together in my womb with no mistakes. Elijah is the very child he is supposed to be right here, right now, speech or no speech. Elijah brings our family such great joy, and how much more joy does he bring his Heavely Father. The Lord is pleased with him and loves him more than I as his mother could ever fathom. Ken and I continue to have a child like faith with this whole situation. And we thank God daily for what a blessing Eli is.